Stories

You know its a blessing that you cannot see my blogger dashboard. The number of half written posts that are lying there waiting to be completed; I always feel sorry for them, but I, like them, am surviving on hope. Hope that a day will come when they can be seen by the world and accepted for who they are. 

I'm here today to publish this post and publish this I will; there is a determination today and I hope it doesn't fizz out by the end of this post. *fingers crossed*

[If you could only see how fast I'm typing this post :P ]

So, stories. 

Over the past one year or so, I sat and collated all the movies I have in my various hard disks to one particular device so that (a) I know what movies I have and (b) there are no duplicates and I'm not wasting any precious byte space.

Now that I am done with movies, the next object that is crowded in my memory [ of physical hard disks, of course ] are the pictures. Anyone and everyone who knows me probably also knows that I have liked to click and collect memories from a long long time. So much so that I have back ups of most of my pictures in almost all my hard disks. Which has now cumulatively added up to be more than 1 TB of data!! I think [or rather assume] that once the duplicates are eliminated the total size should reduce by at-least 500 - 600 GB. 

I have no idea if any of you will be able to relate to me doing this mundane yet extremely necessary activity. But I do recon that it will be time consuming and exhausting. So, to make my job a little interesting I cleverly decided to give me more work. But this work I think I'm going to love.

I'm going to post stories along with  pictures to try and relive the good, the bad or whatever I've captured or whatever I've stored with me. The plan is to store the pictures chronologically, but the posts might not be chronological in nature. I want to relive some moments, or put my memories out there to share with this huge void of the internet and maybe feel joy n loved. 

I'm rather excited about this [for now] and I'm praying I stay this way for a loooong time. [And hence the necessity of publishing this post - some sort of a written contractual agreement]

Thats it! Now that this is getting published I have no choice but to go ahead and do it!

Wish me luck, and if you don't see progress - prod and torture me till they are out! :) :P

Loads of love,

Day 3 and Day 4!!

Life, as they say, is like ice-cream! Enjoy it, before it melts.

Thats what I'm trying to do these days. The positivity around me fills me with so much love.

I feel like, I have to keep this one alive. Coz, I love this blog, a lot. So, Here goes!

My 250 days till I turn 25 Project!

My Day in Office and My Day with friends and lots more!!

Hidden

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 11; the eleventh edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Is it difficult to express your feelings?

Have you found the strange oppression in your throat when you are unable to say what you want to say?

How many times have you "Hidden" your feelings lately?

There was this boy. He intrigued me. Everything he did was fascinating. To me, he was my own superstar. His words, his thoughts, his movements, his eyes, everything about him was captivating. The way he danced, the way he his perfume lingered around, the way he could tell, I was lying by that one crooked look.

 It became a necessity for me to see he got everything he wanted. And he wanted a lot. It was like I was always playing "impromptu treasure hunt" with him. He wanted some girl - I help him get her. He wanted someone to talk to - I listen. He wanted some help with his journals - I do it. He wanted anything - and I got it for him. 

There were a million, no, a gazillion things happening around me at the time; but my mind wasn't entirely on any of those. It was on this boy. I thought I loved him. And by getting him everything he wanted - he could see that. I thought he could see that. I always, ALWAYS knew that he was way out of my league; I couldn't get him, no matter what.

Of the gazillion things happening around me, I also happened to meet this amazing boy who I actually fell in love with. It was simple, it was easy and it was the best thing to ever happen to me.Period. But in the back of my head I wasn't entirely happy because I had feelings - hidden feelings - for this other boy. I failed to see what I had with me because of him I didn't have. I started cursing my life as it was getting harder and harder to live with myself because I felt I was cheating me. 

Not the boy who loved me, but me. I also knew these feelings could never come out of me. It was the biggest sin - in my head - for these feelings to come out in the open. I knew it would destroy lot of friendships and shaken most of our lives. It was an obsession; it was unhealthy. I was blinded by these hidden emotions. I was living in some imaginary world. I let go of everything I had. My friends, my family, the boy who loved me and almost myself. 

I knew I had to grow out of this because it was killing me from inside. I sat and asked myself what this was. Was it some form of love? I didn't think so. Because I didn't want a future with him. I didn't want a life with him; but something in my system wanted him. And just when I had given everything up, and wanted to unhide those emotions which were within me for almost 4 years then; that one thing happened which made me lose that obsession or that thing I was too afraid to call anything. 

I fell head over heels in love, again. But with the same person who loved me. Not some third person. But him, who taught me what love is and how it is to love someone. I could see, for the first time, so clearly as to the kind of fool I had been. And shivers to think that I almost lost it. What happened to those hidden feelings? I told him [my him] all about the other him. And once it wasn't hidden anymore, I was able to breathe, to feel and to love all over again. 

My own superstar, as I had called him earlier, disappeared. That incessant need to be around him, or to get his approval on something I did, died down. Today I look back upon those years, I see how much I have already lost due to the things happening in my head and my heart. Friends, memories, time all lost to a feeling I had. I regret those days. But I am also very glad I am out of that phase. Thankful to every single person in my life who in some or the other way helped me live. 

And most thankful to my special someone, for making me believe that I don't need to HIDE any of my feelings and that no matter who we are, where we're from, n what we do, we'll always have each other!!

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Images from here and here

Its only Words!

Remember "Smile,an ever lasting Smile, A smile can bring you near to me..."

When I decided to call my blog Words as a form of life, Somewhere at the back my head I had this song.

"Its only words, and words are all I have, to take your heart away"

I have always wondered, why you need anything else to sustain any kind of relationship? Doesn't it start with words, and finish with them? For a long time, this was my favorite song, and I would completely abide by it.

Then, I heard this  You Say it best, when you say nothing at all! And then, I couldn't stop loving the song.

Notice how things, small and big sometimes make a major difference in your lives?

It could be a song, a book, an article from a magazine you touched for the first time, a friend you made, a series of incidents, a petty love affair, a friend's love affair, money, television shows, movies, people who cheat, people who suffer, people who love and people who teach.

These differences make us who we are. Its not where you do your graduation, or what you do in post graduation, its not where you work or how much money your dad has.

I relate to that person today. The person I am because of the differences made in my life. They needn't be good;  but they define me in some way. Am I the same person I was a couple of years ago? No.. Well, Am I the same person I was A couple of weeks ago? Still no! Do I love this person, despite all the change, hell yes! Then why do people find it difficult to accept others who have changed? Why is it that people tend to have problems with people because they have changed? Would you stop loving yourself for the changes in you?

Its been more than a year since I moved to Mumbai, and almost 10 months since I wrote this. A whole universe has changed from then and now. Work, politics, work politics, Friendships, Roommates, Romance, Relatives and equations between all of them have changed. And all this within Mumbai. And the world outside of that - phew, I don't know where to begin! Bangalore, Delhi have made me realize that home can be anywhere as long as there is love and warmth, And there are those people who I can share my feelings with and those I can spend my time in silence without having to say a word, still feeling complete. 

So today, even though I feel so completely the same person I was in Class 8; I am not her. I have grown up (and big) from then, and I have completely trusted my path whichever I have taken, to be the best one for me.

There could've been improvements, but I would not trade this for anything else. For all the mistakes I have made, the lessons I have learnt, I will forever be grateful to every single person who made the DIFFERENCE in my life. Because Its Only Words which keep us connected to this world we live in. And these Words are our life, if not just A form of Life!!!

Too deep for a Friday post, huh? Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!! :D 

Remember Me!

Thank God Edward Cullen is a Vampire! 

It hurts so much to see Robert Pattinson die; even though they haven't shown him dead!!

Of the many movies I watched these days, I think I liked Remember me the best. It said so much more than I think the movie was trying to say. And I didn't like it just because it had Robert Pattinson in it; He's good yes, but the movie on the whole was very well made.

Watching movies - Bollywood or Hollywood has been my favorite pass-time, and in the last few years, we have seen many many movies which had stories to tell which revolved around the 9/11 attack. But most stories I had seen or read, were those which happened after the attack, or something close and how it impacted the characters in the movie. But this was different. Pierce Brosnan played a very good character, the tough daddy, the throw he had, the passion, lovely. Emile de Ravin - I haven't seen Roswell or Lost [ I know, its bad.. I'll catch up ;) ] but man, was she a surprise or what? She pretty! To think she'll be 30 next year scares me!! 

The movie talks about death. of. loved. ones. In different ways, it talks about difficulty. And through it all it shows love. That strange love which cannot be described in words. The love between a brother and sister is also handled with such sensitivity that I was almost in tears. 

The Best part OBVIOUSLY Was Robert. 

His eyes. His smile. They talk different languages at the same time! There are scenes in which his dialogue is something, his eyes are saying something else and his mouth is doing something else. On someone else it might have looked weird. But on him. ah! to. die. for!!!!!!! 

A small thing from the movie; I love what it says.

Whatever you do in life will be
insignificant but it is very
important that you do it because...

You can't know...

You can't ever really know the
meaning of your life...

And you don't need to...
Just know that your life has a meaning...

Every life has a meaning... whether
it lasts one hundred years or one
hundred seconds...

Every life... And every death... changes the
world in its own way...

Gandhi knew this. He knew his life
would mean something to someone,
somewhere, somehow. And he knew
with as much certainty that he
could never know that meaning...
He understood that enjoying life
should be of much greater concern
then understanding it.
And so do I.

You can't know...

So don't take it for granted...
But don't take it too seriously...

*Don't postpone what you want...
*Don't leave anything misunderstood...
*Make sure the people you care about know...
Make sure they know how you really feel...

Because just like that...

IT COULD END

Hope this post made some sense. 

Have you?

Have you ever found yourself doing sooo many things, that you end up having no time for yourself?

Have you ever found no reason in almost all the things you do, but still you continue to do so?

Have you found love on a long journey, in a train, with thousands of strangers around?

Have you found a smile, in the tears which flow down your precious eyes?

Have you told your parents you love them lately?

Have you called your brother, and told him how much you miss him?

Thats me n my lovely brother!

Have you felt the spark in your throat when you want to shout out loud, in your office?

Have you read a random blog and felt that special connection?

Hopes, Dreams and Reality - When they come together - Wonderfulness!!

 

Have you slept well lately?? :)

Images mainly from here! :D

Beliefs / Fear

When i was kid, I heard this proverb - There's nothing to fear other than fear itself!

Then. I. Grew. Up.

Grew up, with the belief that I had nothing to fear. Whenever I had to stand up for something I believed in, I did. Even at home, with mom and dad. I always supported what was right - according to me! So, in the long arguments / discussions I had with my dad, more often than not I ended up crying, as that was the only way I could gracefully lose the argument ;-)!!!

In the Indian Scenario, my parents / relatives have always told me, that they never had the guts to talk to their parents / elders about certain things. I am lucky, like that [thank god!]. I could share anything with my parents, and I did share almost everything.

Why is it not the same with my friends and cousins? Why are they always scared of sharing their thoughts
about certain issues with their parents?

We tend to hide certain things, for sure, like, you wouldn't announce at home that you have a boy friend / girlfriend. And we tell them only only when we are really ready. Or that, you drink or smoke, or something like that. Yes, it is frowned upon, we know, they wouldn't approve of it, but still, we continue doing it, by hiding it from them.

And so, when you're out with friends having a drink, and your mom calls, what do you say? When you're out with that someone special and your dad calls, what would you say? We lie. But we are not one bit ashamed of it, are we? Or if we are, do you think we are doing anything about it?

OK, I wanted to write about a completely different thing, and once I started typing, this whole parent thing came up.

I have always wondered why we create these situations for ourselves.

Today, when I look back at my days in college, I always had a nice excuse for bunking classes. But there was
no way I could tell this at home. But now, when I go back home, and tell them all (most of) the crazy things I used to do - and mom goes like - "when did u have the time to do this?" or "how come you never asked  us before you went there?" .. And No, they weren't angry. And weren't hurt too... Its nice like that! :)..

How would it be when we have kids? Will they also hide stuff from us? It scares me to think that. How do you know how to be the right kind of parent?

stop! why am I even thinking off when I have kids blah blah when there's a long time to go till, I get married in the first place? Weird!

Well, contemplating on a random thought on my own blog is allowed, isn't it? :)

I guess so!! :)

OK, now I have to get back to work.. just wanted to put random thoughts in ink.. I'd like to know your sentiments about them too.. if you want...!

Love,

Star Light, Star Bright, You make me feel alright!

When you're at crossroads in life, and nothing seems to be going your way, where is the first place you look? My first choice didn't take my call, and so reluctantly I called home. I have always wanted mom and dad to see me as a strong, brave person; So to call them at one of my weakest was difficult. I think living away from home has all pros and no cons... ( who am i kidding?? Living with parents, home cooked meals, unconditional love, no paying rent!! ;-) its all cons for living alone. :P )

Well, for all the Pros for living on my own, one of them is that, however unreasonable you are, or stupid you feel, the parents only make you feel better! Now if it was me at home, and I went crying to them about something I had done, or something I hadn't done, the reactions would've been so different!

So, I turn to daddy for help, and he does a wonderful job of hand-holding and bringing me to the world of OKAYness! And I don't know if ANYone, I mean, anyONE other than him would have had the same effect.

[Thanks Dad, Louve you!!! ]

This happened a couple of months ago, and my view towards certain stuff has shifted. I have always believed in giving my hundered percent in everything I do, and more often than not, I do!

In a previous post I mentioned, I need to learn to prioritze my life. Because there are sooo many unnecessary things I do; And so many things which ae necessary things which I blindly avoid. Like, Its high time I start working out again, I am just unable to get up early in the morning! [ what with sleeping at 3 - 4 a.m ]

I also have to re-start studying; for MBA admissions. And I need to do really well in those exams. But what am I doing instead? Giving my all to my not so great job! And getting involved in unnecessary discussions. The worst part is I know what I am supposed to do and what I am not supposed to; but still why don't I?

I will start next week onwards. Both workout and studies! :) Why? Coz this weekend I am going Home sweet Home to meet my Mommy and Daddy dearest!! O goodness, I miss them sooo much!! How can someone live without their loved ones around them?? :D [don't read the beginning of the blog :P] Once I'm back, I'll start with being Organized!! :D

So, this girl is all shiny and bright because of her Star..!! Who's shining.. and bringing light to her life. Love you daddy!! Love you Mommy!! Other than biological reasons too, I wouldn't have been me, if it wasn't for you two.

And and and... This Year is their 25th i.e Silver Jubilee Wedding Anniversary!! So there's going to be loads of Celebration this year!!! :D :D:D

All you happy people out there - Loads of Hugs, Kisses and Love!!! Hope all your Star Light make you Feel Alrite!!!!!!

Love is in the Air!

Its Valentine week, and I am super excited!! If only I didn't have this work!

I am missing all the people I love.. and missing Valentine's 2009 loads!!

I have moved away from loads of things and people this last year.. But My feelings towards them hasn't changed! I still love them dearly.. and keep them very close to my heart!!

Happy Valentine Week People!! Do let me know what you guys are upto! :)

Rishikesh!!

 A wonderful trip with loved ones, to a fantastic place!! Loads of adventure and loads of bonding!! Thats what it was!!! I think everyone must go to Rishikesh at least once in their lifetime!!!

the silvery white sand beach by the river Ganges@our camp

The tents in which we lived in, maintained really well..!

The river Ganges, we were right in middle of the river during our Rafting session!!

[AWESOMENESS REDEFINED]

       the simple beauty of the place with peace and tranquility!

trying something stupid! with poo's floaters! lol!!

The River Rafting Team!! :D

DRAMA is our middle name!! :P

One of my best trips so far!!

So, what have you been doing lately?? ;-)

Delhi in December!!

Not like I am really busy or something, I was just on a read only phase for quite sometime. But as I woke up this morning I missed writing sooo much,that I was like - Lets get back with a Bang!! Well, no bang happening here but ya, I am writing and I love it!

I am on a long holiday from work!! :D By long, I mean 10 days off work including three weekends! So, Yaay Me!! There were a few work things to sort out with my manager as he sits in Delhi, but that is not happening apparently!! I hope the IBM Manager Feedback program comes back quickly!! I need to give serious Feedback!! :P

But this has been a beautiful trip, uptil now! Tonight is a friend's wedding, and he being a very close friend of mine, I am all excited!! Many of my friends are getting hitched, its like a wedding season! I am scared my parents will start bugging me of that... But its a very nice and festive season around!!

I finished reading the Twilight series, Finally!! And I loved it!!! :D Team Edward till the end of time!!!









Last But not the least, if i was in love before, I don't know how to put what I am in now, in words! Its simply beautiful. Why can't I be here, with him, forever! :) Wishful thinking!! We went to an amazing fort, this weekend and its raw beauty is soo romantic! And to have him around me, was even better!!

Moving from One place to another : houses and in life!

Last Sunday, I finally shifted from my aunts place to a small flat, which I'll be sharing with 3 other girls!! Yes, the same house I was talking about here, if you recollect!

For the first time, I have been living with complete strangers, and although my well-wishers and friends were skeptical about this decision of mine, they've supported me, and the roomies are awesomme! :D :D!!

So what if they are 4-5 years older than me? They have lived on their own for such a long time, and are there to guide me, and help me not make the same mistakes they made when they were new! They're loads of fun!

Ok, So why haven't I been blogging lately? No, I haven't been busy with my roommates, I wish I was though, I had been away to another aunt's place coz' it was long overdue. And after that I did something which I really can't say here, Because, a) its much much worse ( or better, depends on how you take it) than this and this and b) If I tell you, then I'd have to Kill you! :P but mainly it is c) Its too personal and I cannot share it here, yet, but whatever it was, it was simply amazing!!!!!

Love this Pic - that's the 4 of us in Goa, and another one who clicked this!!

Life was at cross-roads some days ago, and now it is crystal clear. Why do things happen when you least expect it? Have you ever felt that before? That you are looking for something, with all your heart and soul, and when you don't find it, all the passion seems to die down, and then from nowhere, miraculously, you feel that your questions have been answered!

And it need not always be a good thing. The same can happen when its not such a good thing too. But right now, its the good things we'll focus on! :)

In general, in a relationship, when things aren't perfect, or not going your way, why does the person end up being blamed? Why not the situation? When you have loved someone so dearly, why would you belittle them because of some non-important thing? And why is it that, when you've decided not to love anymore, you cannot not love that person, who taught you what love is? Who was there in your journey learning, along with you about love? Isn't life all about finding happiness in small things? Isn't life about making tiny compromises [ with or without your liking in it] but living it nevertheless?

What makes us, the "know-all" about life n love anyway? We are all learning every single day of our lives, aren't we?? Is it wrong to change your opinion? Can decisions once taken not be changed when you actually see the impact of a probable wrong decision? It is about moving on... from "here" to "there".

And what matters are those people who are with you, "here" and "there", and also those who were only "here", but not there, coz they've helped you get "there" in some way or the other, and about people who are going to be "there" who will make "there" better than "here" or the other way round, but you end up gaining! Experience. You stand a winner, no matter what you've been through - either "here" or "there"! :)

P.S: I have no idea how I started talking about stuff here!! ;) I think its the blog magic!! I'd love to hear from you guys about my haphazard state of mind anyway:) :) :)

Apologies!!

I haven't been in my element lately. I personally didn't like my previous post! Mind was elsewhere!!

Remember a post in which I mentioned I had the almost perfect guy, but I gave up on him? I broke up with him?? Well, yes. I did!! And from then to now, both of us have grown up and changed considerably. I suddenly realised i don't think I don't love him! You know what I mean??

Being together for almost 4 years, I have always always wanted him to give me a surprise! But him being the cancerian guy that he is, has always told/consulted/mentioned everything to me. Be it a gift, a party for me, or even an outing planned.

He had to wait for us to be away from each other to actually ACTUALLY give me a surprise!! And O sweet god, it was one of the best journeys of my life. The surprise he gave, the conditions which it lead to, and the "stuff" between us and where it is now! Its extremely confusing!! But I'd love to put it into words, than being thoughts creating ruckus in my head!!

Its soo new and fresh, either it feels totally different, or I hadn't felt this before!! More about this when I organize my thoughts!! :D

<3 <3 love you guys!! Need ur support!! and have a fabulous weekend!!


P.S: I had a major bonding session with one of my Guys from mumbai!! so me happy abt that too.. :P!!! :)

The Weekend that Was!!!

It all started with PP* and me deciding that we needed to bond further, and strengthen our already strong friendship of 22 years!! We're DAY 0 Friends! ;-) Meaning, We've known each other from the time I was brought into this world(she's older than me by 1 year)!! We also wanted a nice vacation, since we've been working without any holiday for too long. We narrowed down on the place - The Party Destination of India - GOA!!

Knowing each others dads, and how we've been brought up, we were skeptical about them giving us permission to actually go to Goa, as we were supposed to be "girls only" and its not very safe. So as usual, we planned a back up plan! But to our utter surprise, both dads said ok immediately!! [ notice how good we are, when we still ask for permission when we're 22 & 23 respectively ]

So I generally happen to mention this at work the next day, and I had friends from office who also wanted to join in! With PP, another college friend of mine said she'd join in, and so did PP's people! It was just gonna be a girl gang party! The dates were fixed, our accommodations were booked, the only thing not confirmed were our mode of travel. We zeroed down on trains and finally, just somehow managed to reach Goa!! [ the train journey itself is another story - a love story of sorts infact which deserves a post of its own]

I am not mentioning a major part of our trip; which I will in a future blog! It is sort of a surprise!! :D [hint: I think I am in love all over again - and this time with my guy ;)]

The girls were awesome fun!! We went to most of the beaches and were playing loads n loads in the water!! :))!! There was a certain incident when a sidey guy walked up to us and asks us where we are from! [Don't know where he gathered the guts from, but kudos to him!] He was a creepy looking guy, and we pretended to ignore him. Then he says - "Tell me no pulease"! We give him dirty looks!! Then he says - " are you not interested in me??" in a very very indian ghati accent! yuck! PP looks at him and says NO! And he does a very sweet puppy face and leaves!

And then we did Hookah!! And I am soo in love with the Hookah! It gives you a high that even alcohol doesn't. Smooth, delicious and that little tipsyness! Its not like we've not done this before, but there, in goa, by the sea shore, the wind, the water and the hookah - lovely feeling!!

Then by about 11:00 p.m we hit Tito's! An amazing nightclub! Where we danced and danced till the DJ played the last song at about 4:00 a.m :) I love dancing, and I love my friends!! So, you can imagine my delight.

The next day, tired as we were we played UNO till lunch time. Then headed to a fantastic lunch place after which we went to an extremely beautiful fort. The view from that place was simply exhilarating!! Jet skiing was awesome! which was done at a beach close to the fort; even if it was off season!!

  

One of my friends is moving to Boston for 6 months! So we had a surprise send off party too with yummy chocolate pastries and played a game similar to poker till the 6 tequila shots and the rest could keep me awake !!

O yeah, and before that, we got body art done!! :D

I was riding a two wheeler after aages!! and that was fun too!! :) It is a place where everyone should go, atleast once in their lifetime!!

 For the party, we picked up something to add some spice! Our Horny Hats!! ;) All night all we were talking about was how someone is hornier than the other [based on the light glowing, n nothing else :P]

I don't want to say anything else, until a future post when I can tell you guys EVERYTHING!!

I love the girls!! n they're simply superb!!

Sid, Thank You for More Awards!! Will do the due in another post! :)