Sunday, November 10, 2013

Write & Wrong!

One day, in a very serious, brain-nerving conversation, which I was having with an uncle of mine, out of the blue, he asked, what if I were to die - at that very instant.

I was taken aback, looked at him and asked, why such a question was even asked. He said, he'd explain once I answer. [me, being me, was just buying time thinking of an answer] I said, I don't know how it would be if I died at this very instant, because once I'm dead, I'd cease to exist - nevertheless, I wish I had done x, y and z before I died.

He went on to say - (this is important-its stuck by me till now ( this conversation happened around 4/5 yrs ago)) - " If you're ready to end life at this instant, the next instant you have in your life, is a Bonus - it could have ended, but it didn't - and its all yours to make the best of it."

I try to stay that way, with every moment is a bonus - what I didn't realize will happen, was, that I'll be always ready to die. And that is not a good thought to constantly have.

Similarly, the song - Saibo from Shor in the city - I loved it so much, it felt so peaceful every time I heard it, that, in a conversation with some friend, I happened to mention - " I'd happily die listening to this song "

And weirdly enough, since then, every time the song plays on the phone when I'm riding - I feel like death is just around the corner.

Suddenly, I feel like Meredith Grey from Greys anatomy with a death wish - and all I really wanted to do was enjoy life, every moment of it, enjoy music, dance like noone's watching.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

What goes around...

Comes around! :)

Its said, life travels in Circles, just like our beloved earth.

So, what goes around, comes around. Is that why Karma is said to be such a bitch?

How many people, intentionally want to hurt another? and How many people end up hurting another? This can be credited to the fragility of human emotions. Since it isn't tangible or measurable, and it won't provide the same results every time, how can you assure someone, or yourself for that matter that there won't be hurt involved.

And somewhere in between all this, hurt and love, is the biggest culprit of all. Expectation! It single handedly can ruin a perfectly mediocre moment. So imagine what it can do a potential good one?

Its happiness in a form of pain, its kindness in the form of hurt. What is it, and why does it feel that way? There is a far away emotion, which I have forgotten to feel. I don't know if it will ever exist or if I am the only one who can fix it. Usually, that is what I tell myself before I go ahead bettering myself, that is what I tell myself when I want the pain to go away. Maybe because that's the truth. Like, who is responsible for a person to feel anything? Joy, Sorrow, love, hatred, hurt or expectation even? That person himself right? That is what I tell myself. Because that IS the truth.

I had started writing this post close to around three months ago, and have continued it in random intervals. Usually, i lose the continuity and delete such posts, but this one is different. The emotions are real, the feelings are real.

You tend to make decisions in life, all for the better; Only difference is, you never really get to know when the better part sets in. The unpredictability of life is one of the best experiences to be experienced.

My little brother[who's not that little any longer] reminded me about my blog. In his own small sweet way, he wanted to remind me, that, even though we don't talk to each other as often as want to, he knows how brutally honest I become when I'm writing and I think he wanted me to set me straight. I didn't think I'd hit the publish button on this erratic thinking post of mine, but for him, here goes! Love you PRM! Always and forever. You always make me want to be a better person.

goofy us!

Monday, February 11, 2013

That thing you do!

You, doing that thing you do... Breaking my heart into a million pieces, Like you always do!

And you, don't mean to be Cruel, You never even knew about the heartache, I've been going through...


Friends, life, happiness to me, somehow are all synonymous. I tend to give them equal importance. And its a good thing! :)

When life has so much to give, why do we still stop to look at what we are getting. Everyday, every second is a bonus - a blessing. So, when they said the world was ending, I was looking forward to it; coz every moment after that was a bonus and it was perfect to end at that time.

In a place, where I don't want anything negative to affect me, in anyway. There is no point in being unhappy.
Like dad says, everything happens for the good, so find the Aanandam - and you'll attain the Paramaanandam. Peace.

Will continue in a bit. Right now, I just want this published!

Everyone's definition of love is different....the way a person loves u is the way they wanna be loved! :)

Thursday, November 22, 2012

I'll Be Alright!

Hello! :)

When there's life happening, I tend not to write!

I know I have been a bad bad girl! :P But, well just that!

When you meet people from your past, many things can happen - But the best feeling is when you know some things will never change. :)

And that's when it hits you - like a force of nature - that come what may - I'll be alright.

More details on this later - gotta work! I just wanted to save this feeling, for a later time when I need it! :D :D

Jaane Kyun Dil Jaanta hai, tu hai toh I'll be alright! :)




Sunday, June 10, 2012

Virtual Life!

Living at home has its pros and cons. I love my pros, and have been missing everything on the cons list.

In my last post, I had mentioned how I was on "pause." Meanwhile, an enlightenment took place. I began working with Bodhi . I began as a marketing manager, but also dabbled in HR, Admin, Training, Sales, CRM and Website changes. It felt like home, with a work force of around 20 people. It was like working in your own place, for your own people. Well, it was!

Then, VMware happened! The day of my interview was pretty interesting. I was at Bodhi, and had the interview scheduled for 3 p.m. which meant I had to leave office by 1:30. And the same day I was scheduled to take an interview at Bodhi, for a Business Development Executive. So, I sit with my darling Veena Pacchi for the interview, and together we take a very grueling interview for the Print Engineer who had about 5 years of work experience.

Half way through the interview, I had to leave, to be able to reach vmware on time. And all the way, the only thought on my mind was, wish I was easier on the person I just interviewed, because I didn't want Karma to play a spoilt-sport on my interview. And the Gods were listening. [Thank them for that!]

The interview went well, and after further rounds, I got the offer letter, a couple of weeks later.

Today I'm part of the vmware family, living the virtual life! 

When I was at crossroads in life, I saw this ad, and it was somewhat of an inspiration! The wordings more than the ad!

"I don't know where I'm going, but I like the direction!"

So, I'm still loving the direction. And am enjoying the beginning of my Virtual Life! Lets see where life takes me! My shoes are on, and I'm all set! Bring it on! :D :D

Mom n Me! My strength, my inspiration, my love n my life! 

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Little things you Do!

I quit my job five months ago. Since then I've given a couple of Interviews and the status has been pending. From nowhere have I heard a negative response. Its just that the job market has kept me on hold. So, I am living life in 'pause' mode. Yes, the same pause you do while watching a movie on your laptop, and someone rings the doorbell and you pause the movie. Being an avid user of the VLC player, I just wish someone comeback from where they have me paused and press the "space bar" and un-pause me, rather play me! :P

And I, the queen of procrastination, have been postponing everything I want to do, to I will do it once I start working. And hence I'm not only on "pause" but I'm on enhanced pause [if there ever is anything like that]

Also, there is another important aspect where I am paused at, but that's not going on this blog!

So, shouldn't the title of this post be Pause?? No, because the title is "Little things you do."

Has this happened to you?? :)

Whenever dad comes back home from the clinic, one of us( me, mom or brother, whoever is available or all three) go out to open the garage door for dad to park the car, and just to say Hi, you were missed! or update him immediately with anything important that would have happened that evening. Off late, this is one of the things I'm doing most of the time, because in otherwise lack of work [:P] this is one thing I look forward to doing. [If i'm upset / angry / in the loo - mom goes to open the door.. ;) ]

So, its a whole procedure. The horn of his car is something that can wake us up even if we're in deep slumber, so when he honks when he's just a road away from home, everything at home has to come to a stand still. The TV is turned off, mostly after changing the channel to a discovery or a news channel because you don't want him to switch on the TV and find "Bade Acche lagte Hain" or Roadies or the like[depending on who's watching]! :P Then we rush out; say hiiiiiiiiii, till he says hi back, take the keys from him and run to the garage door. Then once he parks the car and gets down, we collect his bag and we look forward to gifts. He sometimes would get sweets or snacks for us, or he would get Compliments! He's a doctor, so medical reps give him compliments, some useful but mostly things which are of no use what-so-ever!

Off late the switch of the garage has been acting crazy. The first time I turned it on, the bulb just flashed light and turned off. I thought the fuse of the bulb is burnt, but when I retried it flashed like nothing was wrong.

This happened for a couple of days, and then one day when mom was switching it on, it didn't turn on at all! Mom tried over and over but nothing happened. So, the next day when I went to open the garage door, I slowly turned the light on, and in my first attempt it switched on and shone like the sun. I looked at dad immediately and saw him grinning. I did a victory dance on the road, till he parked the car! He got down smiling and I simply loved that feeling. Same thing happened the next day, and I continued with my victory dance even after I locked the garage door and the main door. But today, I tried, over and over, but to no avail. It was like jinxed, unrelenting and refusing to switch on!

Dad got down from the car and sweetly said, its ok its ok.. better luck next time. Like I had done badly in an interview. Both of us started laughing and neighbors were looking at us as if something was wrong with us. I know its a very small thing, but I haven't felt this happy in days. Its crazy how something so small, so unimportant could make me feel this way. They say God is in the Detail, and finding happiness in small small things is thousand times better than looking for Big happiness.

I may be on pause or play, but as long as I remember the essence of life is these small moments, when you laugh or cry or do both together, I know life will be good! :) :) :)

Dad Leaving for Clinic - :)

Flowers in the Mini-Garden at the entrance to my house. Another reason for my smiles, first thing in the morning! :)


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