Tuesday, August 18, 2009

On My Own!

" On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him 'til morning
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me

In the rain
The pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm lonely
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
The world is full of happiness that I have never known

I love him
I love him
I love him...
But only on my own..."
- Les Miserables

I love this song! Amazing Lyrics, Innit??
Questions? Who? why? when? where? How??
Who do I love like this?
Why do I love him like this?
When will I find him?
Where will I find him?
How can someone like me ask for something like this???

Ok... sorry for messing with your head[and mine]!! ;-)
I love the song because Joey sings it in the beauty contest, and Dawson realizes that she is the one for him! For all the unrequited love Joey had for him all those years, he stops looking at her as Joey-his best friend he grew up with, and looks at her as the beautiful woman she has become!!

Dawson's Creek! I started watching this, once in a while, when it used to air on Zee Cafe-Old School. Then it became a regular feature, watching it everyday. Slowly it turned into an addiction. I had to know what happens next, even if it was an old show, and I was watching just the re-runs. Every time I googled, it had to be Dawson and Joey, or Joey and Pacey, similar was my encounter with You-tube every time I was online.

Through all this madness, there was something which came about, which I thought would reduce my Obsession with Dawson's Creek. Twiz Tv.com!!! I worshipped this site. It had the scripts of all the episode along with the dialogues of Dawson's Creek!! On the contrary to what I believed, this just fuelled my obsession. I had to read it, day in-day out! I even started talking like the characters. I knew I needed to stop!

I loved Joey(Katie Holmes), I still do! Her character, integrity, beliefs, her simplicity and most importantly, her thoughts on Love changed my life, in a huge way!

I was so into Dawson's creek, that, during exams [yes, exams] that for every half an hour I studied, I had to read one episode of DC. That's the only way I could sit through the night, and prepare for my exams. Unfortunately, that was the first time in my engineering college tenure, that I did not get a Distinction. I got one every semester until that! [6th semester] I blamed the tough question papers and the outrageous correction done by the examiners[they take 3 min to correct a paper you write for 3 hours-which you've studied in 3 months of a semester-Outrageous] and the fact that my peers, who do well generally, had not done so well too! But I knew I hadn't prepared like I should've prepared for them.

And I think it is precisely then, that I started falling out of love with this guy, I was with then. It was just the beginning for me. In a previous post, I have mentioned how I had a guy who would do anything for me, the same guy I fell out of love with, is the best guy-ever! why? he knew how much I loved DC, he actually arranged for getting it shipped to the UK, and all the way to B'lore-as a surprise for me!! By it I mean, "All Six Seasons of Dawson's Creek Original Series on DVD"

Then, I didn't just read Dawson's Creek, I also saw it!! Every single episode!! :-D!! But from the time, my journey of falling out till the time I got the DVDs, lots had changed! I couldn't get back to being the girl I was, before Dawson's Creek! Life had taken a whole new turn. My values and belief system was changed. My behaviour, my words, my actions gave me completely drastic and different reactions from the people I had in my life!

My friends were happy with the change, they said it was very much needed. These friends mainly being people I knew before Engineering and some friends who I met through engineering[Love you guys!!]. And then there were my other friends, friends I used to hang out on a regular basis, and a friend who was my first and best friend, who disagreed with my thoughts and actions, saying I was behaving differently, and should go back to how things were!

When you are in a relationship, you make new friends, and you also grow, don't you? So when people in a relationship have grown and changed, how easy is it to be in love with that person? Especially when the changes are not happily accepted.

Isn't it unfair, expecting the partner to be who they were initially and not accept the new person they've become? Well, then who do you love? The image of the person you fell in love with, or the person who they are today? Is this the reason for all the breaks in relationships, the divorces and the unhappy marriages today?

Because I think, cheating on your spouse, being an alcoholic or all those other reasons people come up with for their break-ups, underlying somewhere is this - that you don't accept them for who they are, you expect them to be who they want you to be!

And then there are those people who try, try to be who their loved ones want them to be... they encounter peace and harmony with their partner in the initial stages, but then, till when can one pretend to be someone the are not! Best would be not to change at all, not to grow, not to learn! That probably happens in an alternate universe, not ours, rite?

I started this blog to be something, and it so happens that during the process of me writing this blog, things in my head changed!

So, today, On my Own, with the guy only in my imagination{as the song suggests}, I walk on this journey, falling, getting up, falling again and slowly rising and in the process, learning a lot of new things. So, if you know me today, I might not be the same me tomorrow, but I'd surely love you, like I do today!! :-)