Sunday, July 25, 2010

Nothing in Particular

I have been reading so many posts about people and their lives. Being a part of this world makes me feel like I belong somewhere. Its just the weirdest thing.

When I moved to Mumbai, I was this very different person. I was coming from a different place in life and moving here I thought was the best decision I've ever made. At that time, it was. I was super enthusiastic about everything around me. New place, new life, new freedom - all those things that I wanted.

I come from a very close knit family. I consider myself very close to my parents and my brother. I have always been. They used to be such an integral part of me, that there was a time when I used to think, I couldn't do anything without them. Moving here, I slowly realized that I could do everything without them.

In time, I started calling them less, and telling them lesser. (The fact that I started talking less in-general is a different issue altogether.) I began keeping things to myself. Stopped sharing thoughts and feelings with friends. Stopped having friends. Stopped letting anyone come close enough to me which could cause me the slightest pain. Even when I kept next to zero expectations from someone I thought was a friend, I was almost always disappointed, and the pain that I tried so hard not to reach me, it did.

So, I hardened myself further. All this, without realizing that it was really happening to me. Today, When I'm in a crowd of people, I don't have much to talk. I feel at a loss of words, or less informed at times. I used to be this person who could strike up any conversation with anyone. Today, I can't. 

What I am trying to communicate here, is that, I feel like I don't belong in the real world anymore. I don't feel wanted /needed anymore. And hence, consider this blog world, very close to my heart. I read posts all day long. I find so many similarities in people all around the world. I get to read about accomplishments, failures, kids, husbands, work, music and many many more things. And it feels wonderful.

It also sort of highlights the lack of anything exciting happening in my life. 

Like the heading of this post suggests, this post is nothing in particular. I just had to vent my feelings somewhere and my poor sweet baby blog had to take the brunt of it.