Sunday, July 25, 2010

Nothing in Particular

I have been reading so many posts about people and their lives. Being a part of this world makes me feel like I belong somewhere. Its just the weirdest thing.

When I moved to Mumbai, I was this very different person. I was coming from a different place in life and moving here I thought was the best decision I've ever made. At that time, it was. I was super enthusiastic about everything around me. New place, new life, new freedom - all those things that I wanted.

I come from a very close knit family. I consider myself very close to my parents and my brother. I have always been. They used to be such an integral part of me, that there was a time when I used to think, I couldn't do anything without them. Moving here, I slowly realized that I could do everything without them.

In time, I started calling them less, and telling them lesser. (The fact that I started talking less in-general is a different issue altogether.) I began keeping things to myself. Stopped sharing thoughts and feelings with friends. Stopped having friends. Stopped letting anyone come close enough to me which could cause me the slightest pain. Even when I kept next to zero expectations from someone I thought was a friend, I was almost always disappointed, and the pain that I tried so hard not to reach me, it did.

So, I hardened myself further. All this, without realizing that it was really happening to me. Today, When I'm in a crowd of people, I don't have much to talk. I feel at a loss of words, or less informed at times. I used to be this person who could strike up any conversation with anyone. Today, I can't. 

What I am trying to communicate here, is that, I feel like I don't belong in the real world anymore. I don't feel wanted /needed anymore. And hence, consider this blog world, very close to my heart. I read posts all day long. I find so many similarities in people all around the world. I get to read about accomplishments, failures, kids, husbands, work, music and many many more things. And it feels wonderful.

It also sort of highlights the lack of anything exciting happening in my life. 

Like the heading of this post suggests, this post is nothing in particular. I just had to vent my feelings somewhere and my poor sweet baby blog had to take the brunt of it.


  1. well you are so so right.... so been there... i understand how you feel... however things were a little bit different... in my case... that's all.. write more often... :-)

  2. Oh yes, Blogosphere is a wonderful place. It opens up so much of diverse thoughts and expressions for you. Savoring the various ideas and creativity is one beautiful experience.
    It happens sometimes, when we move in a shell, may be its because of unfamiliar surroundings or new people around. It takes time to adjust to the new environment.
    Take your time to know and understand people around but do share/meet people you feel comfortable with. :)
    It's easier said than done but nothing is impossible too.
    Take care and have a great time. :)
    Cheers :)

  3. Very true... Blogs are the best corner anyone can look for!

  4. I love blogging and my little bloggy world but remember you can't hide here. Life is beautiful, just enjoy every part of it!

    Have you heard about law of attraction?

    Just wanted to tell you that I've changed the URL to my blog

  5. I too understand how you feel. I don't have any really close friends that I can relate to in the real world... but in bloggy world there are so many peoople that I have things in common with... blogging is a true blessing.

  6. Hey I somehow felt that words are yours and feelings are mine here, I so strongly feel the same. Especially when i read this line:. Even when I kept next to zero expectations from someone I thought was a friend, I was almost always disappointed.. People are like this sweety. U can do nothing about it. Be happy in your own world. I am glad I joined BATON and got to read your blog... Following you :) Keep smiling :)

  7. Good .. you had to vent it out you did .. I hope you felt releived :)
    I have been there too when people who you think you know suddenly are someone else or you come to know
    or you yourself change i guess its life ... thats why i wrote friends VS enemies ..:)

    people have become moody , they dont realise who they hurt blah blah blah lbha

    i can go on and on and on


  8. Hey deeps,

    you won't believe...same is the case with me...i felt as if i had written this...

    I have too reached a point where I have stopped sharing my feelings...that's why I started my blog...I have lost trust and have stopped expecting anything from's so weird and I am going through the weirdest phase...hope ranting it out would have relieved you a bit...

    Good Bless You gurl...

    Loads of Love and Wishes

  9. don't we all consider blogs our babies? But it will gladly take the brunt of pain without complaining

    afterall it is made to vent out bottled feelings...sadness and happy emotions all alike

    Mumbai has a way of making the softest people very brave and hard...this should be a welcome there is fast! nobosy waits for such cases you should make yourself adaptive and hard

  10. i m so glad you decided to spill the beans :) loved every word and line! When the change is for the good one should adapt it :)


  11. Hi! I just noticed you are a new follower on my blog and I am honoured. Thank you for introducing yourself that way so I could come find you :)

    You sound interesting enough to me, so far! But I do understand how you feel (about your blog and feeling you have nothing to say in conversation). I have found that this has happened to me in periods of my life where I am more contemplative - I think when you are growing your sense of your self, your need to "be" or "say" anything in order to fit in/fill a silence or gap/appear to be "a good friend/sister/partner/daughter", etc., suddenly doesn't seem so vitally important.

    I reckon you are actually on the right track, more than you may think, and in these sorts of phases I wouldn't be pushing myself to go out and be amongst the world if it felt forced. Treat yourself gently and expand and enrich your world with blogs! ;) After all, I think it's where many people are truly themselves (of course there are always exceptions to that, but there is some brilliantly deep and connective writing out there, which you'd NEVER get in a Starbucks or some other crowded public place! ;).

  12. I am learning about you! Would like to comment on what you have written but I am afraid that it would end up sounding like a lecture ... So may be a mail would better suffice! :)